Chia Seeds

“Mom, you need more fiber in your diet,” my older son says over the phone. “Chia seeds are really good for that.”

“As in Chia Pets?” I ask.

“They’re terrific for your colon,” says.

I try desperately not to envision my colon and sprouting chia seeds.

My son has all kinds of opinions on my diet. A few months ago, it was protein. I finally placated him by eating protein waffles for breakfast. Maple syrup makes just about anything edible, I discovered.

Maybe I should try maple syrup on chia seeds, I think.

When he was growing up, my son never listened to me about his diet but now he thinks I should listen to him. He once went for eight years without eating chocolate just to see if he could. His idea of a treat is a Cesar salad.

And let’s not even discuss his opinion on my wine consumption.

Eating anything at the moment is a moot point because I’m doing yet another colonoscopy prep. When your father dies at 51 from colon cancer, colonoscopies practically become your hobby. I lost count of them years ago.

“Seaweed is good, too,” my son adds. “You can buy these giant packages at Costco.”

Which reminds me, I need to stop at Costco soon but the only thing I plan on buying in bulk is wine.

The next morning, I wake up in the recovery room. My doctor sweeps in, smiling. “No polyps, nothing unusual,” he says.

He turns to move on to his next victim, but then pauses. “There is one thing, though. You really could use more fiber in your diet.”