TUNED OUT

At first, it was cute listening to cheery Disney tunes while I was on hold.

By the time I heard “Let’s Go Fly a Kite” for the fourth time, I am more than ready to tell Disney where they could stick that kite.

I have been on hold for three hours with Disney Cruises. I am trying to cancel a cruise because my kids changed their minds about where to go. No problem, I thought.

It has been days and I cannot cancel this stupid cruise. Sometimes, I simply get a busy signal. Sometimes the mechanical voice answers, asks several questions, and then gives me a busy signal.

Five days ago, I finally got on hold. Then the call ended after four hours. I have no idea why.

Why not cancel online, you say? Because you can’t.

As I wait, I have to listen to Disney songs. The first time through, I was singing and doing a little dance. I’m not sure the neighbors were thrilled to have me singing “Hakuna Matata” at the top of my lungs as I weeded the backyard but, hey, they could always close their windows.

But when I hear Duane Johnson singing “You’re Welcome” for the second time, I fear I have fallen into Disney tune hell. The songs begin repeating. And repeating. And repeating.

Photo credit: Travel + Leisure

A human being can only take so much of “A Spoonful of Sugar.” I worry I’m developing diabetes by the third time I hear it.

After two hours of listening to Belle, I’m hoping The Beast will eat the whole $#%@& village.

This time, after three and a half hours, a cheerful young woman picks up the phone. I almost sob with relief. As befits a Disney staffer, she is perky and helpful and within four minutes my cruise is canceled.

As God is my witness, I vow, I will never listen to Disney songs again.

The next day I am washing my breakfast dishes when I realize I am singing. I am singing “A Spoonful of Sugar.”

Son of a biscuit!

© Susan Luzader 2022